Posted by: Ele Quigan | May 22, 2010

“One dim star” or Why I love reading 1 star Amazon reviews

Okay I admit it. I love ONE trashy book series. I’m almost ashamed to admit it. It puts me with legions of young women everywhere, and I don’t want that! No I want to be ‘book snobby’. I want to continue reading these smart literature novels and non-fiction without having to come clean. However I started reading some 1 star amazon reviews for a chuckle and just couldn’t resist a post – even with the knowledge that I have to out myself first…

I’ve been a fan of Supernatural fiction (i.e. vampire fiction…) since I went through an Anne Rice phase from 11 – 17. I have the 5 Lestat series books, I have Violin, I have the Witch series books (they all started getting a bit odd from the Vampire Armand one) and I can just about quote along with the film of ‘Interview with the Vampire’. That’s not to say I like the Twilight series – hell no. As far as I am concerned – Stephanie Myer can die in a fire with her vampires that sparkle, mormonist themes and pathetic female characters… But I digress.

There is something about the idea of Vampires in Louisiana. The hot humid nights, the already interesting spiritualism with voodoo, slave history, bayous and those incredible houses. There’s just something a bit dark about it, more than a little bit sensual. So when the TV show ‘True Blood’ started, I was an addicted from the first episode.

And that, drew me to the book series – The Sookie Stackhouse Vampire Mysteries.

What are they in a nutshell? Trashy as hell… I can read them in about an hour and a half – which has made for quite a few relaxing Sunday afternoons on the couch reading one of the novels through, with cups of tea and shortbread cookies.

So with that in mind, I decided to trundle through Amazon reviews to have a bit of a giggle at what people have to say (because we all know, 1 star reviews on Amazon can bring out some of the most hilarious comments on the Internet…) don’t forget these books don’t purport to be anything but what they are, fluffy easy to read Vampire romance novels – so let me share some of my favourites:

One dim star
“Reading Dead Until Dark was an absolute waste of my time.” and “it contains bodice ripper sex scenes” LOL. no it doesn’t. If you want bodice ripper sex scenes – try a bit of Clan of the cave bear. Or even mills and boon – there are no real sex scenes in these… At least not till a few books after the first one anyway…

“Overall, the simple fact that I found the book disappointing *IS* the most disappointing part.” Oh really? The fact you found it disappointing IS the most disappointing thing? I’m confused? what if you loved it? Does that mean that the fact you loved it would be the best thing? wow. I wish I was so certain that my reviews are that important that what I say is the key element of any book promotion.

sophomoric “The bottom line is this book is poorly written, sophomoric and as compelling as indigestion. You just want it to be over so you can feel like yourself again.” What can I say – if you want it to be over STOP READING IT!

just two of the implausible things that happen in the 200 or so wasted pages that comprise this book. just two? cause you know vampires aren’t actually real right?

“… and like your gramma CORRECT IN A PRINTED WORK, GODDAMMIT” I also like my spelling correct but that mustn’t be important to you…

Vampiery“The other thing that bothered me about this book is that the other vampires (even the “bad” ones) were not that bad. They did nothing that violent or “vampiery”.” So… Killing people and sucking their blood isn’t ‘Vampiery’? At least they didn’t f*(^ing sparkle…

There are a squillion more reviews on her other books, I might head over to the 5 star reviews of Shantaram and the Twilight series for more hilarity next week…

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